If your partner uses money as a way to control or intimidate, you could be a victim of economic abuse. Philippa Selfe investigates

Love and money aren’t always good bed-fellows. Take Ike and Tina Turner. In the film What’s Love Got to Do with It?, a battered and penniless Tina – by then already a star – staggers into a motel and begs to be given a room without paying. It’s the indignity of her financial dependence as much as her bleeding face that strikes a nerve.

THE SITUATION TODAY
The music diva is a poignant example of how even gifted, strong women can fall victim to domestic abuse. Cases of gender violence and emotional bullying are very well documented, but economic abuse often goes unnoticed.

‘It’s a more silent manifestation of abuse. It happens in many forms in many households, from Bishop Lavis to Bishopscourt,’ says Carlo Williams, domestic abuse prevention leader for Families for South Africa (Famsa).

Without physical marks, it’s not only harder to see, but it’s more easily accepted as the norm, particularly in a society where patriarchal ideas abound.

‘Traditionally, the woman’s duty was to care for the family while the man’s role was to provide. Even though economic circumstances have changed to allow and, in fact, call for women to be financially shrewd and independent, we still find many who believe their only strength lies within the confines of building a home. These women are intimidated when it comes to learning about money,’ explains Lelemba Phiri, financial fitness educator, writer and founder of the Sandras and Lelemba Institute.

WHAT IS ECONOMIC ABUSE?
It’s when money or resources to which you are entitled are taken without consent or withheld in a way that limits your freedom. Finan-cial abuse is considered a form of domestic abuse as defined by the Domestic Violence Act 116 of 1998.

A woman may experience eco-nomic abuse as a result of physical violence – she who tries to leave an abusive partner may find her credit card cancelled, or have her ability to earn impeded if she is forced to be absent from work due to physical wounds – or as a form of control in its own right.

HOW DOES IT AFFECT YOU?
‘The ways an abuser abuses are vast. It could be a case of being dishonest about earnings, hiding money or withdrawing cash from your account without asking,’ says Carlo. ‘Or it could be more aggressive, forcing you to beg
or perform certain acts to “earn” money to buy basic necessities,’ he continues.

In a paper prepared by gender rights expert Lisa Vetten for the United Nations, the author cites a study that found that 51% of women in the Eastern Cape, 50% in Mpumalanga and 40% in the Northern Province were subjected to emotional and financial abuse by their male partners. According to Powa, another study done by the Institute of Security Studies found that money taken without consent is the most common form.

WHY DOES THE ABUSER DO IT?
‘Abuse in any form is about exerting control to make the victim feel like less of a person,’ says Carlo. ‘In South Africa, pro-masculine cultures justify belief systems where the man is seen as the head of the house, therefore, all funds must go into his account,’ he adds. Many women are forced to stay in unhappy relationships for financial stability, and keeping them financially dependent is a motivator.

‘In cases where a woman chooses to be a full-time homemaker even though she is capable of working and contributing to the family finances, this tends to put a lot of pressure on the partner to carry
the family financially and could lead to abuse,’ adds Lelemba.

STOP THE CYCLE
‘At Famsa we believe abuse occurs in a cycle and, when a woman gets caught in that pattern, staying silent may feel like the only answer. So the first step is to speak up,’ says Carlo. Talk to a friend, family member or counsellor at one of the gender advocacy groups.

Then take steps to reclaim your independence. ‘Could it be getting a job? Start making applications, tell people that you’re looking for a job, update your CV and send it out,’ Lelemba advises.

‘Even when an unemployed woman becomes employed, the situation doesn’t change immediately if other forms of abuse still exist,’ cautions Carlo. ‘But earning your own money helps. Open a bank account and
put money away – it will contribute to a sense of independence.’

It’s vital to educate yourself. ‘Lack of knowledge and the inability to earn money leaves room for finan-cial abuse,’ says Lelemba. ‘That’s why my mantra is “education, education, education!”. And this isn’t limited to formal schooling like university, but taking the time to think about what you want to do and actively seeking as much information as possible.

‘Fear stops many people from taking action, but knowledge increases self-confidence and reduces anxiety.’

If your situation cannot be remedied by these changes and you want to get out of the relation-ship, you are protected under the Domestic Violence Act and can apply for a protection order, even without laying a criminal complaint. Mosaic is an organisation that offers assistance and answers questions about the legal procedure. Legal Aid has also launched a helpline that offers free legal advice.

Did you know?
Club has qualified legal professionals available to assist with any legal queries you may have, free of charge. Call 0861 424 789. Club members outside South Africa should dial +27 11 991 8330.

Useful contacts

• Famsa
  021 447 7951 / 011 975 7106/7
  www.famsawc.org.za
• Legal Aid Advice Line
  0860 534 258
• Mosaic Training, Service & Healing Centre for Women
  021 761 7585
  www.mosaic.org.za
• People Opposing Woman Abuse (Powa)
  083 765 1235
• Sandras and Lelemba Institute
  076 685 1070/1
  www.sandrasandlelemba.com
• Stop Gender Violence
  0800 150 150

When women abuse men
Although women are statistically more susceptible, economic abuse is not only perpetrated by men. Think of women who use children as bargaining chips in a divorce settlement, or spend child maintenance money on personal needs instead of on school fees.

Less malevolent examples include wives who spend on their husband’s credit card without asking, or who simply expect men to pay for their upkeep. A girlfriend recently described her thrill at being a ‘kept woman’ for an extravagant city break, even though it went against her modern feminist upbringing. ‘It was such fun to experience a lifestyle way beyond my means just for a weekend with a man who was willing to pull out all the stops to impress me.’

In such cases the agreement is usually consensual and not intended to do harm – and may have more to do with traditionalist values than an abuse of power.

Are you being economically abused?
Do you have to beg for money to buy necessities? Are all your expenditures scrutinised? Does your partner prohibit you from working? If you feel your financial freedom is being compromised by your partner, you should question his motives.

It’s all about transparency, says Lelemba. ‘Your partner’s financial decisions affect you so you need to be on the same page and aware of where your money is being spent or invested.

‘That said, I believe in having some allowance for independent investing or savings as this gives room for each partner to pursue some individual goals, such as saving for an educational course or investing in a small business.’

It’s natural for one partner to take on the role of family accountant, but both should participate in decisions about money. Whether you both earn an income or not, you should be able to exercise autonomy and make your own decisions about what to spend your money on. The same goes for your partner.